I Posted This On Facebook Today

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Just an FYI: We totally LOVE and appreciate that SOOOO many people care about us and want to know where we are with our fostering to adopt journey. I PROMISE that as soon as we hear from our social worker about our application, THE WHOLE WORLD will know! (Well, at least our whole world will know!) Thanks for loving us and wanting to be a part of our journey! 

Sadly, we have no new news to share. There are only 4, yes FOUR, people in the entire state of NC (100 counties) that read through and can approve/reject foster care applications. They do a very thorough and good job in the review process, which is why it takes so long! We have no doubt we will be approved, though! We are hoping it is any day now, but it could, in all reality, be next month until we hear anything! Thanks for hanging in there with us! Keep on praying! 

Hurry Up and Wait

My husband has always told me that his father, being a military man, raised in a military family, has always had the "hurry up and wait" mentality. This means that if he's only five minutes early, he's actually late. He'd rather get somewhere excessively early and wait, than be "on time" or GASP, even late! My mother-in-law is like that, but not to the same extreme. The hubs has become less and less a hurry up and wait kind of guy since he knows I like to be early, but not super early! (Thank goodness!!!) I love my in-laws, but the hurry up and wait thing drives me a bit bonkers! Then again, my parents tend to be the five minutes late kind of people, which also drives me a bit bonkers! (I'm a five minutes early kind of gal!)

That leads me to foster care. Oh foster care...how I loathe your LONG and tedious process! We're currently in the hurry up and wait phase. Everything is done and submitted with our application and such. We can't do anything now to speed up the process. We've crossed every "t" and dotted every "i." We've signed every last paper. We've checked off every box. So what do we do now?

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We wait.

Since ancient times no one has heard,

no ear has perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

Isaiah 64:4 (NIV)

Progress!

What's going on with the foster to adopt process you may be thinking? (If not, will you at least pretend you're interested??)

Well...we've made progress! Our social worker sent us our homestudy bio to proofread. Oh my word. It is LONG...and full of errors. Oi vey. Between typos, mixed up info, and inaccurate info, I found 30 corrections. That doesn't include grammar or flow issues.

My two favorite oopsies include one about my Great Grandma Sweetie who passed away last August and one involving Vance.

1. Our social worker wrote that my Great Grandma Sweetie's name is Betty "Sweetie" White. I laughed for a good couple of minutes at that one. My great grandma is Betty White?!?! That is fantastic!!!

Granted, I prefer that my great grandma be who she was, but I LOVE that our social worker put that her name was Betty White! Here's my response to her via email, "This one made me laugh really hard! (In a good way!) My great grandma's name was Juanita "Sweetie" Bumgardner. We always called her the Betty White of the family because of Rose Nyland from Golden Girls, who Betty White played."

I was like...20 here. Possibly 19. 

2. Our social worker also wrote that Vance, my husband, is proud that he smoked pot. My hubs texted me saying, "For the record, I am NOT proud of smoking pot in the past!" We both got a good kick out of that! "Give us other addicts' kids! I'm proud of my pot smoking days!" Yeah...that'd send mixed messages! I responded saying, "I think it might be better if it said, 'He stated that it is something that he is NOT proud of, but it is something that did happen.' ;-)"

I haven't heard back from our social worker, but last we heard, she was working on the other portion of our application and should be done this week! YAY!! When it's all typed up and looked over, it can be submitted...FINALLY!

Please say a prayer or two for us! The "end" of the foster care application process is almost done!

Top Ten Tuesday--Happiness Is...

This week's Shabby Blogs TTT's theme is "Happiness is..."

1. Happiness is my husband.

2. Happiness is my pug, Petey and Cinnamon, my doxie-beagle.

3. Happiness is knowing God has a plan for me even when it seems like there's no hope.

4. Happiness is having clean water to drink, food in my pantry, and clothes on my back.

5. Happiness is Spotify. (Seriously. Check it out!)

6. Happiness is being content no matter my circumstances.

7. Happiness is baby thigh rolls, bellies, double chins, and elbow dimples.

8. Happiness is arts and crafts. (Check out tomorrow to see the new wreath I made!)

9. Happiness is my family, near and far.

10. Happiness is grace found only through my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ!

What Makes A Mother?

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, it has me thinking about what TRULY makes a mother.

Is a mother someone who merely gives birth? Are you a mom once you conceive? Are you a mom as soon as you adopt? Are you a mother only when the child is legally yours?

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Merriam-Webster defines "mother" as the following:
Mother (noun)
1. a female parent
3. maternal tenderness of affection

Mother (adjective)
1b. bearing the relation of a mother

Mother (transitive verb)
2. to care for or protect like a mother

By all of the above definitions, am I a mother? Yes and no. Since I can remember, I've always mothered children...or even my siblings and cousins. (Sorry guys!) My nicknames when I was little were "the boss" and "little mother." (Among others!) I'm the oldest of all the grandchildren on both sides. Mothering comes naturally to me. I've nannied for a few families now, always treating the children just like I'd treat my own. I've loved them and cared for them just like I would my own children. I've accidentally been called mom by a couple of them, though I didn't tell their mom's for fear of hurting their feelings! However, I am not a parent. Can I be a mother without being a parent?

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Obviously, if you've read my blog for any amount of time or if you know me in person, you know I do not have children. I've yet to be able to conceive. We're applying to foster to adopt, though, which means we will be foster parents and adopt children that become "legally free" for adoption while in our care. We are also eligible to adopt children that become available for adoption without going into foster care, though that process is a little different. Do I become a parent once our application for foster care is approved? Do I qualify as a mother once a child is "placed" with us? Do I have to wait until I legally adopt a child to be considered a mother? Where's the line drawn? When do I get to be a mother???

My answer? NOW.

I am a mother now. At this very moment. As I type these words. I. Am. A. Mother. Period. End of story.

Again, how can I be a mother without having any kids? I pondered on that a good while, actually. I've come to the conclusion that just because I don't have my baby YET, doesn't mean I am not already a mother. God has a plan for me. God has gone ahead of me and prepared a baby, MY baby, for me. Because of that, I am already a mother, even though my baby isn't in my arms, yet.

I like what Wendy, from Disney's Peter Pan, says about what makes a mother.


Well a mother, a real mother, is the most wonderful person in the world;
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

The helping hand that guides you along
Whether you're right, whether you're wrong

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
Another word for divine,
Your mother and mine.

Birth mother. Adoptive mother. Foster mother. Pregnant mother. Step mother. Mother of a baby born sleeping. Future mother. All are mothers, regardless of the way they achieved their motherly status.

I don't expect anyone to recognize me this Sunday on Mother's Day. I won't receive any Mother's Day cards or presents. I won't be given any handprints, homemade cards, or flowers.  By society's definition, I am not a mother. I am just a woman who hasn't been able to conceive, who hasn't adopted, and has no legal rights to any child in the whole wide world.

However, I know in my heart that I AM a mother. I know God has predestined me to be a mother. He instilled DEEP within my spirit and my heart the desire to be a mother. He has given me the passion to mother. God CREATED me a mother, so pardon me while I give society a big ole "screw you" and continue singing the above song...KNOWING it's about me.

TTC Update 7-12-12

Psch. I have basically nothing to say.

We aren't pregnant...shocker, right? We don't know if we'll ever be pregnant. I have only a slight glimmer of hope in the forefront of my mind that we will ever BE pregnant. I've pretty much accepted that if we do get pregnant, it'll be a miracle...also known as a God-ordained life event. I'm ok with that...most days. I can't say that I'm "over it" because, for goodness' sake, this isn't something you just "get over." It's my life. My body. My lack of conceiving a child.

But it's ok. It's ok because even though I cry when I think too long about it, even though I am ok most days and only have a couple of rough days every other month or so, even though I still battle the green-eyed monster whenever someone gets pregnant "on accident," I know, in my heart of hearts, that my life is not my own. Even though I am holding back tears and trying not to lose it as I type this, I am content with letting God be in control, even if that means I never get to be pregnant. That thought DOES terrify me. I think that's ok and that God's cool with it. I think He can handle my fear and sorrow over the thought of possibly never being able to carry my baby inside of me, to never experience child birth, to never feel a kick, somersault, or hiccup from within me. If God can (and does) have control over my life, he certainly can handle my insecurities, fears, doubts, and heartache. Afterall, what is a Father for?

I don't really know where we're going from here. I'm needing a doctor's visit, but between work and finances...geesh. We're going to try to get an appointment in August and discuss options. I've lost 32.4 lbs, so maybe they'll take me a bit more seriously when I say I want to have a baby. W'ell see...

Please take a gander at this post Ashley wrote back in April. She has a fantastic blog about her struggles with infertility. She adopted a daughter, carried her son, and is currently pregnant with her third child! Even though she already has kids, she's still infertile. She needs the extra help getting pregnant. She totally gets me without never having met me. I love her for her bluntness, honesty, and openness about something that so often gets ignored. Please don't ignore this link. It's important to me.

If you could take 2 seconds and give this a click, it would mean so much to me! Thank you!!

She Works Hard For Her Money!

I do not wish to go to work today.

I'd rather stay home and read people's blogs. Blogs that I've neglected to read for a good while, since so far, this summer has been a whirlwind! Blogs like Baby Making by Becky. She has two adorable twin boys, Grey and Micah! I've caught up on The Great Umbrella Heist, written by the lovely Sarah about her identical triplet girls, Allie, Emily, and Anna. I've also stayed up to date with First Day of My Life, written by my beautiful friend, Cami. There are just so many other blogs I wish I was caught up on! I suppose those will have to wait until tomorrow when I FINALLY have a day off from work AND have nowhere else I HAVE to be! Heck...I might even get some sewing done! :-D

Have a great day, all!

If you could take 2 seconds and give this a click, it would mean so much to me! Thank you!!

How Do You Know?

I've had babies/toddlers/preschoolers on the brain lately! Wait...what else is new, right? Well, lately, instead of being like "OOOO I want to buy this for our future baby!" I'm like "OOO...I bet a foster child could benefit from this!" ...Wait a minute...What? Who am I these days? That doesn't sound like me. That doesn't sound like something I could've or would've THOUGHT, let alone said aloud to Vance, my foster-care-hearted husband, 6-12 months ago.

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So what has changed??

For starters, my heart. God has been working in/on my heart since the moment I met Vance. Of this, I have no doubt. On our first date, he told me about how his siblings were adopted! "Great!" I thought. "I love adoption! I have a passion for adoption! Wait? What's that? Adopted through foster care? Come again?" He explained how they had fostered lots and lots of children throughout their years of living in Ohio and in Greensboro. "Interesting, but scary..." I thought. I hadn't even heard the crazy stories of children trying to eat the family cat, having to be restrained and held down in order to go to sleep, being born addicted to crack, etc. yet. (They saved those stories until AFTER Vance and I were engaged/married! Those sneaky Bailey's...)

I honestly never thought foster care would be something I was interested in. Sure, I always thought the foster parents were strong people. I always admired them. I always felt badly for the children in the foster care system. I always felt badly for the bio parents who had to work so hard (but sometimes not hard enough) to get their kids back because of mistakes they've made. I've always felt so badly for the social workers who worked WAY TOO HARD for their menial paychecks. BUT, I never felt like I would EVER...IN A MILLION, BILLION YEARS...want to become a foster parent.

Well...apparently...I was wrong. (For like the first time ever...ok...maybe second time!)

Vance mentioned to me, about a year ago, that we should look into doing foster care. I humored him, but internally, I thought, "Yeah right! I am not cut out for this! I am too young. Too unqualified. Too impatient with political garbage. Not skilled in dealing with "unbalanced" children. Not enough." (Not enough? Satan has been telling me that my ENTIRE life!!! I should have recognized those feelings of inadequacy right out off the bat, but I did not.) So, I told him I didn't feel like it was the right time for us (read: me) and that I'd consider it again in the future.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago! Vance broached the idea of foster care again...but in passing. It flipped a switch in my brain, so I looked into it and went into research mode. (Have I ever mentioned I research the crap out of things when I want to know more about it??) I found out there is a class coming up in September that is required in order to become a foster parent. 30 hours is required, plus 10 every year after that, for licensing. You also have to pass a home study, which includes a safe living environment, fire inspection, etc. You have to be able to support yourself and your family BEFORE being qualified for foster care. You can't have petitioned for emergency help with living expenses in at least a year. Etc. Etc. Etc. The foster care system is pretty intense in qualifications of becoming a foster parent. However, we meet all of the check marks we need to qualify.

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"Hmm..." I reflected. "Maybe it's time...Wait what??? It's time? To foster? But I've never felt like foster care was for me! What in the world is going on inside my head?" I struggled with these thoughts for a day or two, not mentioning them to Vance until I resolved some things in my head/heart and with God. (I kind of understand what it was like for Jacob to wrestle with God now...even though mine wasn't a physical encounter...and he didn't karate chop my hip!)

I feel like it is time. It's time to start this process. Vance and I have discussed it thoroughly. He's ready for kids to be in our house, whether or not we get to keep them. We definitely want to adopt through foster care. We'd prefer to only take in kids that are likely to become adoptable, but (and I'm not fully convinced of this yet) Vance said he's ok with taking in kids if it's short term, too. (My reply to this being...honey...it's foster care. You know that they may say two weeks and it turns into 8 months!) I feel not only like foster care is something we should pursue, but it's something we should pursue NOW. I feel a sense of urgency about this. Last night, I spoke to Vance about the urgency that's been placed on my heart. I told him that I'm not sure if the urgency is because our baby is coming home to us soon or because there's a child in foster care that's going to need us, but I feel like we should definitely be taking the next round of classes and get this ball rolling ASAP.

Wow! Who'd have thunk that I'd be so passionate about foster care? There is a LOT of uncertainty and a LOT of apprehension in my heart due to my own semi-fear of the unknown, BUT I do know that this is something we're supposed to do, so I have a sense of peace about it, too! Not I! We'd appreciate any happy/warm thoughts and/or prayers you guys can offer for us! 

If you could take 2 seconds and give this a click, it would mean so much to me! Thank you!!

TTC Journey Post #745...Or Something

I've avoided this post for a bit because I know this could potentially offend or upset certain people who I know read my blog. After reflecting on my intentions of writing this post, I realized I need to blog about this. These are my feelings, and I shouldn't be afraid to share them. Before reading this post, please understand I mean no disrespect or offense to ANYONE. This is just where I am right now. My feelings have nothing to do with anyone else. I blame no one for my feelings, and I truly hope no one takes any of these things I'm about to say personally. (If you feel like you may be easily offended, please skip the portions of the text between the lines for an update on our TTC/Fertility Journey!)

____________________________________________

Lately I've been feeling kind of pissed off. Like not just all "woe is me, I'm not pregnant." No. I've been angry. I've been judgmental. I've been a really big jerk in my mind/heart. You may be thinking, "That doesn't sound like the Angela I know and love!" To that I reply, "Thanks for thinking so highly of me, but sometimes I can be a really big B!"

I have a few friends that are TTC. Most of them are in the first few months of the process. Every time one of them complains/shares that they aren't pregnant this month, I just want to smack them and say, "DID YOU EXPECT TO GET PREGNANT IMMEDIATELY???" When they blog/email/FB about their checklists, their ovulation prediction kits, their cycles adjusting back to normal after being on birth control, their negative tests after only a couple months of TTC, I seriously almost lose it. I get angry. I get sad. I get bitter. I think to myself, "Who are they to even be disappointed at this point in their journey? Who are they to even complain that they've been trying for three months to get pregnant and nothing has happened? Who are they to be disappointed in not having a Christmas pregnancy? I have had TWO Christmases pass without a pregnancy. I have had 19 months, almost two YEARS pass without a pregnancy. How dare THEY feel sorry for themselves for not getting pregnant after a few months when I've been trying to get pregnant for SO MUCH LONGER!"

Then I realize, who am I to think that MY journey is so much more difficult than theirs? Who am I to pass judgment on those other women? Who am I to discredit their moments of sorrow? Who am I to be so angry with others who are going through the same thing I am? No matter how long someone else may be going through something, they're still going through it. True, I have had to endure heartache for a longer amount of time, but in some ways, I'm emotionally better off than some of those women who are just starting their journey.

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I still get irritated when I'm having a low moment/day, but I am truly working on my heart. I want my heart to be in line with Christ's. I don't think it's possible to be in tune with Jesus when there's malice living in my heart. Since I cannot fathom not being at ONE with Christ, I pray constantly to overcome these angry feelings and let God have full control over this situation.

____________________________________________

So...what's going on these days? Psch. Nothing too exciting. I've finished up a month+ of Metformin. Is it working? I'm not sure yet. It isn't one of those fast acting drugs. It takes a few months. I will say this month's period was much lighter than it ever has been, so I imagine Metformin is doing SOMETHING. I have lost some weight, but I'm not sure how much since I haven't weighed myself in a couple of weeks. 

Met has kinda screwed with me this past month. It has some yucky side affects like diarrhea and gas. Some moments/days I'm 100% fine. Some days are hellish. Being on my period and taking Met was an experience! I felt so full because of all of the gas in my belly. Every time I'd get a good burp, I could FEEL my stomach deflate a little. It was SO weird! (Sorry if this is TMI, but for those of you who have "been there" you totally get it!)

We're STILL battling the hubs' insurance with getting his swimmers tested, thus the reason he hasn't posted a follow-up about that whole experience. They have the results...we just can't get them until the stupid insurance people pay for the test!!! 

My Facebook profile is still deactivated and will remain so for a while longer. I don't miss it. I feel more at peace when I'm not constantly being reminded of everyone's pregnancies. Vance says I'm happier now that I'm not on FB. I'm kind of disappointed with how few people are actually keeping in contact with me, but that's how it goes right? Out of sight, out of mind? (Thanks to those of you who HAVE kept in touch! It means so much to me!)

Now onto some semi-exciting news. We might be adding our name to the infant adoption program in Greensboro, NC. We haven't decided yet, nor do we have nearly enough information to make a decision yet. (I'm a researcher!) Adoption is just something we both feel strongly about. (Vance's 6 younger siblings are all adopted, after all!) We're considering going ahead with getting our names on the list and all the while keeping on with our efforts at TTC. Adoption, especially infant adoption, is a crazy journey all of it's own, but it's a journey we both feel like we'll take at some point in our lives. We're unsure if THIS is the time, but we're listening and waiting for God's guiding hand at this time. I do ask for your prayers, though. This is a huge decision and a huge step! We truly don't want to go into this before God's approval!

That about covers it, for now. If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments or email me using the contact tab above! :-)

Update (1/23, 11:56am): Thank you so much for the emails I've gotten already. You all are so encouraging. Thanks for not making me feel like a royal jerk for my feelings and for understanding where I'm coming from. You guys rock. :-)

If you could take 2 seconds and give this a click, it would mean so much to me! Thank you!!

Testing the Swimmers Part I--Guest Post By The Hubs

I am pleased to announce that today marks a very monumental day for Angela's Favorite Things! Today is the first guest post we've ever had. Who better to write a guest post than that author of The Vance View, my husband, the hubs, Vance? I've tried to keep you all updated on our TTC journey with the most recent info, feelings, potential conceptions, etc. Well, what has been lacking is a male prospective! I cannot express what my husband is feeling along the way any better than he can fully express what I'm feeling/thinking. In this three-part segment, Vance, the hubs, will share his point of view on our TTC efforts and his role in getting tested!


xo,
Angela

Tune in tomorrow to read Part II of this three part guest series to read about Vance's anticipation leading up to the whole testing process!

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Before my wife and I got married, we talked about the future, but the one subject that kept coming up was kids. We both wanted them. The question was when? We discussed birth control for the first year and also having kids right away. After thinking about it, I knew what I wanted. At 30 years old, I didn’t really want to wait very long. The way I looked at it was once we got married in June, it was less than two months before I was 31. If we waited a year, I would be 32 when we started trying, and I really didn’t want to be a first time father at 33 or 34. So the decision was made! We were going for it; we wouldn’t get on the birth control train. We wanted to enjoy each other, and enjoy being newlyweds, but we wanted to get pregnant too.

So off we went! For the first couple of months we didn’t worry about cycles and ovulation, or anything of that sort. Then as the weeks and months went on, we started to get a little discouraged. I secretly felt like a huge failure as a man and husband. My wife, on the other hand, went to town on the research. We both knew she wasn’t the most regular when it came to that “time” of the month, but we pressed on. Now, as any couple that has issues conceiving knows all too well, the act of making a baby stops being fun after about the fifth failed attempt and turns into pressure and disappointment. As a man, it is also a huge hit to the ego, I know that’s how I felt anyway. It started to get harder and harder to get into the mood, and I started to get very depressed. At the time, I didn't express this to anybody, not even Angela.

Then, this past summer, we really thought we were pregnant! It was well past “that” time of the month, and I just knew we had finally succeeded! We went out and bought the "family pack" of pregnancy tests, but everyday was the same...no period and a negative test. I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t break every time she said negative again. We talked to a ton of people that had the same issue, store bought tests coming up negative. We needed to get a real test, but unfortunately my company’s pathetic insurance plan makes it impossible to insure my wife. We researched alternative options. We found that there are a lot of resources available if you just look. So, the next step was going to a place that specialized in this. We found a pregnancy center that was right down the street and we went right in. My hopes were quickly crushed when that test came up negative as well. At this point I wanted to dig a hole and jump in it. I was so down it wasn’t even funny, but I had to be strong, or at least I thought I did. We asked the lady in charge, Nancy, where we could get a blood drawn test for cheap. She gave us the number of a place that would do this. The name is Southside United Health and Wellness Center. After getting lost more than once, we finally found the place and went in to get the test. This was my last hope of good news, and I needed it at that point. It took around 3 days to get the results…NEGATIVE!! The disappointment on my beautiful wife’s face was almost too much to bear! I have never felt like that in my life! I wanted to scream, cry, and curse at God so bad at that point in time. My anger was close to getting the best of me. I know now that it was more hurt and sadness than anger, but hindsight is 20/20.

Our next step was making her lady exam appointment, which we did. When the day came, I went with her, and that is when the doctor gave us the name of a lab that could test my swimmers. Now I am really nervous! This ordeal has been very difficult for the both of us. But to find out it is my "fault"...that is something I don’t want to think about. So I really hope they swim like Michael Phelps, and not sink like the Greek economy.

(This post was written Nov. 7.)


Hey! Give my wife a vote for being so awesome!

Every Girl Is A Princess?

Recently, I read an article dealing with gender roles and how all too often girls are pegged into the "play mommy," "be a princess," or "play with barbies" categories. The article went on to further say that these gender roles are dangerous to the developing child and their perception of what it means to be a girl (or a boy.) It also said that only gender neutral ideas should be placed in child's head an that both types of gender toys should be included as a default, no matter what the child may show interest in. In my experience, I find this to be bull. I think gender roles have a certain cred. to them. I also don't think they have to be forced to be applicable. I don't recall my mom or dad EVER telling me I had to like pink, wear dresses (except to church because that's how church was back then,) or play princess. I liked pink when I was little, but later, my favorite color was green. It was green for well into early high school years when it morphed into purple, hot pink, black, and white. To this day, I love purple and hot pink.

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I rarely played princess growing up. I always wanted to be queen. Heh. We actually used to play what my sister, Hannah, refers to as "Amelia." I was around 12 or so. My sister, Kristin, was 11. Hannah was around 3. I was the queen, Kristin was the princess, and Hannah was the servant girl. Now, don't be alarmed about what I'm going to say next. Hannah, always played the part of Amelia, the servant girl...naked. She was the kid who would shed her clothes shortly after we put them on her. We have a video of her naked with her butt in the air digging in the garden and playing with the hose. No lie. She's 16 now and probably LOVES that I'm sharing this with you, but nonetheless, it happened! Anyway, so Hannah always was Amelia, the naked servant girl. She sometimes wore an apron, if I could convince her to do so. We all loved this game! Hannah loved getting us drinks, "sweeping," fanning us, etc. SHE would ask to play this game, and being such good big sisters, Kristin and I were always willing. :-D That's about as close to playing princess as Kristin and I really got.

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Kristin and I played Barbies like it was our job. We also played school quite often. We loved our American Girl dolls (I have Samantha, Kristin has Kirsten and Hannah has Kit.) We liked going on adventures in the woods down by the creek. We rode our horse. We had picnics. We played sports (I was a softball and basketball gal. Kristin was a cheerleader and soccer player. Hannah is a swimmer and soccer player.) Kristin and I went through a power ranger and teenage mutant ninja turtles phase. We loved Batman, Gargoyles is still, to this day, one of my favorite cartoons. We also loved Carebears, Polly Pockets, and Lizzie McGuire. We are all girls. We all liked girly and non-girly things.

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Today, my sister Kristin, is 24 and a crunchy hippy. Ha. Ok. Not exactly...but close. She loves hiking, camping, music festivals, etc. and she's still very feminine. Hannah is 16 and is a HUGE flirt. She loves color guard, tutus, and really crappy music. (She doesn't think it's crappy, though.) She can get down and dirty working in the garden and doesn't bat an eye. I am a 25 year old wife who adores her husband. I love sparkles, babies, and crafting/sewing. I hate being sweaty/dirty, but if it's serving others or improving my life, I am more than willing. We all were raised the same way, in the same house, by the same parents, with the same values, and with pretty much the same toys. We are not defined by our gender, but we all seem to embrace being female, while not being over the top girly girls. (As I discussed this post with the hubs and Hannah, we came to the conclusion that at this stage in life, I am by far the most girly girl out of the three sisters.)

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What do you think of traditional gender roles? Do you feel like the psychological community is putting too much emphasis on not defining gender roles or not enough? Do you feel like society forces us into gender roles? Remember, no opinion is better than another, just don't expect me to agree with you, if our opinions differ! ;-)

Petey Pug

Until I actually conceive a human child (and if he has it his way, even after,) this is my baby. His name is Petey. He is a purebred pug. Petey was an early birthday present from Vance back in 2009. He was adopted through Pug Rescue of NC located in Summerfield, NC, however, Vance first found out about him via petfinder.com.

When Vance told me of my early birthday gift, I was ecstatic! I have ALWAYS wanted a pug of my own. I adopted a dachshund/beagle mix, Cinnamon, a month or so before I met Vance, but I still wanted a pug sometime in my future. Anyway, there were several steps in adopting Petey, just like in adopting a child. I guess the biggest step for us was actually CHOOSING Petey. Vance originally intended to adopt another pug at the same house where Petey was fostered. When we went there, it was like pug heaven. There were at least 10 pugs living in that house! The pug we originally came to visit, Charlie Brown, really didn't give a rat's patootie that we were there. He also was older and his back legs were turning arthritic. We sat on the kitchen floor trying to see if Charlie Brown would engage with us. Well, Petey Pug had other plans. He pounced on us. He jumped directly into Vance's lap, looked him in the eyes, and basically said, "Hello, Dad!" He then shoved his friend Mugsy out of the way and jumped onto my lap, all the while grunting and panting like only a pug does. That's when we learned that Petey was adoptable, too. The decision was a no-brainer for us.

We had to wait a couple of weeks before we could pick him up and bring him home. The moment we arrived to get him, he went CRAZY. He does this funny little whine that sounds almost like an infant crying. His little cinnamon roll tail was going crazy. My heart soared! He remembered us! After signing some paper work, we were on our way. Now, in my dog experience, dogs lay down in the back seat and sleep. Not Petey. Where'd he want to sit? On my lap, and most importantly, under my arm by the window on the armrest. He rode in that spot the entire hour drive home. To this day, that is still his preferred car-riding location.

Petey, the handsome pug.

Now that Petey lives with us, he enjoys lounging on the couch, chewing on his nylabone, chasing his sister, Cinnamon, around the house, "rabbit running" (he tucks his body under and looks just like a rabbit when he runs...he even uncurls his tail!) sniffing ANYTHING that comes into his path (he is unusually sniffy for a pug), curling up against me in the nook of my legs, and of course, every pug's favorite...eating.

And so it begins...again.

This evening my cycle FINALLY ended. Day 52. I literally gasped when I uh...realized it had ended. I was THAT surprised! It's been 52 days since I last got my period, so I had no idea when to expect it. I'm glad that it "fixed" itself. It also further confirms that I'm NOT pregnant. As disappointed as I am that I am not pregnant, it is quite a relief to know that nothing too serious is wrong with my body. So what caused the delay in my period? No clue. These things do happen so I'm told. As my mom said the other day, "Bodies are weird."

So where do we go from here? Well...today is day 1. It marks the beginning of a new cycle, thus a new chance to get pregnant. Upon the end of my period, I will wait a week or so and start with the ovulation prediction kit. When we get the smiley face, we'll start the baby dance again. Then...we wait. Waiting is the most difficult aspect. It seems that I spend the last week or so of my cycle waiting to bleed. That sounds extremely sadistic, but it's true. Bleeding signifies no baby. When I don't bleed, I don't assume I'm pregnant, though. I assume I'm late. Apparently this cycle, I was super late...or early, depending how you look at it I guess. I still plan on calling the doctor and asking about why this all unfolded the way it did, especially when my ovulation prediction kit indicated I was about to ovulate around day 19. Weird.

Anyway...new cycle, new month, new opportunity to conceive. There's something pretty peaceful about the idea of newness. It's almost hopeful. It reminds me of the song I embedded below. It's one of my favorite songs right now. Their voices and harmonies are so peaceful and hopeful. The lyrics also speak sweetly to my heart. Keep praying for us and sending happy thoughts, please. :-)

"Beautiful Things" by Gungor

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

Awareness and Loved Ones

This post is NOT about my favorite things. It is not about happy things. It is not about pretty things. It's about disease awareness. Don't get me wrong, the two children I mention in this post are pretty...heck...they're beautiful, however the diseases they have are not pretty. They're challenging. They're heartbreaking. They're brutal. The best part though? These kids not only grin and bear it, but they live life to the fullest. Their little hearts burst with love and their lives are filled with happiness due to their lovely support systems and families. The two diseases that reach close to home and to my heart are OI and EB. 

Source

"Osteogenesis imperfecta (OI and sometimes known as brittle bone disease, or "Lobstein syndrome"[1]) is a genetic bone disorder. People with OI are born with defective connective tissue, or without the ability to make it, usually because of a deficiency of Type-I collagen." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osteogenesis_imperfecta) 
Children who have OI are often referred to as snowflake children or snowflakes. People with OI have very sensitive bones that can break or even shatter in some cases, thus they are delicate like snowflakes. There is currently no cure for OI.

Source: Caroline Bailey's FB

Maggie Bailey, my 1 year old 2nd cousin-in-law, was born with OI. Mags does not let OI stand in her way. She is a very active, intelligent little girl who has a heart of gold. Her older brother, Cooper, was not born with OI. You can read more about their family at http://www.coopandmags.blogspot.com/.

Source

"Epidermolysis bullosa (EB) is an inherited connective tissue disease causing blisters in the skin and mucosal membranes, with an incidence of 1/50,000. Its severity ranges from mild to lethal. It is caused by a mutation in the keratin or collagen gene." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epidermolysis_bullosa) 
Children who have EB are often referred to as butterfly children or butterflies. People with EB have very sensitive skin than can come off with even the simplest of touches in some cases, thus they are delicate like butterflies. There is currently no cure for EB.

Source

Jonah Williams, a 2 year old little boy who attends my church, was born with EB. His mom, Patrice has a blog located at http://patriceandmattwilliams.blogspot.com/. If you'd like to learn more about Jonah, their day to day life and about EB in general, please visit her site.


So why did I feel the need to make a post about two different diseases? Because, I'd like to do my part in raising awareness. The more people that know, the more people that can help raise money to find a cure.

Why did I feel the need to tell you about two kids that each have one of the diseases? Because, when a face is attached to a name, even the name of a disease, it makes it more personal. You may not remember what OI or EB stands for, but you'll remember Mags and Jonah. You may not understand everything there is to know about OI or EB, but you'll remember how absolutely adorable Maggie and Jonut are.

What can you do for these children and others like them?
1. Pray
2. Let their moms know you're praying for them.
3. Donate. OI or EB
4. Pass on the info. you learn about OI and EB.

Knowledge is power!

Pregnancy, Prints, and Parola, Oh My!

Greetings friends!
I realize I have been absent for quite a bit these past couple of weeks. For that I apologize. I am just working a lot, starting a new business, feeling naused out, etc. So...let's get down to business.

I know my post title mentions pregnancy and for anyone who read my last blog entry, TTC, you know my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for the past year or so. Well...I am not getting my hopes up too high, nor am I jumping to conclusions, but let me lay the facts out for you...
1. I used an ovulation prediction kit this month. I got a smiley face (meaning I was going to ovulate within a couple of days) June 21st, or day 19 of my cycle.
2. My cycle lasts 31-34 days.
3. The hubs and I did the baby dance (Thanks Amy @ Dandelion Paperweight for that term! Love it!)
4. I have been naused out for the last week and a half to two weeks. It only happens every so often. I've only had the urge to vomit 2 or 3 times during that time.
5. I'm on day 39 of my cycle. Still no period or signs that I'm going to get one.
6. I have taken two pregnancy tests that came back negative.
7. My mom's second pregnancy (my sister Kristin) only came back positive with a blood test.
8. My mom only had real "morning" sickness with my sister, Hannah (her third pregnancy.)
Conclusion: I might be pregnant. I might not be pregnant. Still too early to tell, but it's nice to think of the possibility, without allowing my hopes to get up too high. Every time I go to the bathroom, I'm afraid I'm going to see the start of my period. So far...so good. Keep praying for/thinking of me, please! Positive thoughts, people, positive thoughts!!

Which brings me to item number two/three in my title. Prints and Parola. Prints as in the digital kind. Parola as in "word" in Italian. I have now opened an Etsy shop called Bella Parola (meaning Beautiful Word) selling digital prints. Each print can be customized with background color, font type, font color, and optional single or double borders. Each print is 300ppi and is emailed to you as an 8x10 JPEG file. You may then print it at home or have it professionally printed at Wal-Mart, Shutterfly, CVS, etc. You may use the print in your own home decorating in places such as nurseries, bedrooms, living rooms, entry ways, hallways, etc. OR give a framed copy to a friend or family member as a gift. Don't see the quote/song lyric/saying/verse that you'd like? No problem! Just email me with your request and I will make one for you! I also have a Bella Parola Facebook page. If you have FB, please check me out and "like" my page on there, too!

Here are a few "proof" samples:

TTC

People say the hardest years of marriage are the first three years, especially the first year. I find that difficult to believe. I would think the first year of your first child's life would be most difficult. However, if the first year of marriage is any indication of what's to come with the hubs, then I am SO excited about it. :-) I know a lot of people go through growing pains their first year or so of marriage, but Vance and I seemed to adjust fairly easily. We have had two fights the entire time we've known each other. Yep. Just two. We just don't fight. We choose to discuss instead of fight. Now, don't get me wrong, we've disagreed on some things and have had to come to a compromise or discuss things until we came to common ground, but we pretty much refuse to let ourselves get heated with each other. After all, when you're on the same team, it's not a good idea to go against each other.

Even though this last year of marriage was amazing, it had the potential to be toxic. Ever since day one of our marriage, we've been trying to conceive (TTC.) Emphasis on trying. I've never been on birth control. We've never used birth control. I've never had any issues with my internal lady parts. I do not have PCOS. I do not have ovarian cysts. However, I do not have a regular cycle and when it is regular, it is usually 31-34 days long instead of the standard 28 days. I am grateful that I DO ovulate, though it may not be as regular or as "standard" as I'd like.

From before the hubs and I were married, we day dreamed about starting a family right away. I've known since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a wife and a mommy. I thought I also wanted to be a teacher, but now that I am a "grown-up," I know I am called to fulfill my role as wife and mommy first and foremost. The hubs and I knew that not everyone got pregnant the first month, but we were optimistic as my mom and aunts are very fertile as it seems. ;-) Well...after three-four months of not getting me period on the days I "should" and taking early pregnancy tests and normal tests. I still wasn't pregnant. I was very discouraged. I also wasn't getting my period every month, which again, is disheartening as no period=no ovulating. No ovulating=no chance of getting pregnant that month. Around Thanksgiving though, my period came. Then it came in December. Then in January, February, March, April, and May. It was every 31-34 days. Although I wasn't conceiving, it was still nice of the reminder that I am able to. I am ovulating. Praise God for that! 

I have had many moments this past year where I've felt alone, even with the hubs right by my side. I have had irrational feelings of desperation, loneliness, being forsaken, etc. I had a couple times where I screamed and cried and asked God "WHY?! Why do others get babies when I don't? Why do unwed teenagers get babies and I don't? Why do negligent mothers get babies and I don't? Why does Michelle Duggar get 19 babies and I can't even have ONE?!" After a couple of nights of asking those questions, dealing with the reality of people having babies all around me, and having meltdowns where all I could do was sob, I came to the realization that it isn't about me. It isn't about what I'm doing right or wrong. It isn't about what Vance is or isn't doing. It isn't about what we want and getting it when we want it. It's about what God wants and about HIS timing.

Do you remember me saying that Vance and I daydreamed about starting a family right away even before we were married? We also prayed for God to do it in HIS timing. It took me several months to remember that prayer. It took me several moments of selfishness to remember HE reigns. It took me several moments of brokenness to remember that I do not live for myself but for the Almighty God. He knows what's best for me. He knows the desires of my heart. He will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my comforter, my rock, and my salvation. 

I am in a MUCH better place mentally and spiritually than I was several months ago. However, I still have my down moments and still have my jealous moments when it seems like everyone is pregnant. I've had to "hide" a lot of my pregnant friends on Facebook. If any of them read this, please know that it is nothing personal. I did it for my mental health. I am VERY happy for every person/couple who recently had a baby and who are pregnant currently. My lack of pregnant belly does NOT make me any less excited and happy for those who have conceived. :-)

So, where do we go from here? 

1. I started an ovulation kit this month to see when my LH levels surge and we can TTC when I am most fertile. It takes most of the guessing work out of it. 

2. We're going to go see a doctor within the next couple of weeks to make sure everything is still kosher with me and my basement area. 

3. We're going to ask for me to be put on Clomid if everything in my lady parts region checks out.

4. We're going to keep TTC, while trusting God to be the ultimate decider.

5. I'm working out 5-6 times a week to try to get my body in a healthier state. It's easy to conceive/carry a baby if you're in good shape. Go HERE to see how I'm doing/encourage me!

What Can You Do For Me?

1. Don't tell me to relax, and it will happen. I reserve the right to bite your head off if you do not heed this warning.

2. Pray for us! Pray for us to conceive. Pray for us to be patient. Pray for us to continue trusting God.

3. Don't discourage us. Don't tell us maybe it isn't the time or maybe God's plan isn't for us to conceive or that adoption may be our only option. We do want to adopt, but we don't want to hear that it's our only option, right now. As for God's plan, it may not be His timing yet, but we certainly don't need you or anyone else reminding us of that...especially if you already have a kid or two.

4. Encourage us. Let us know you're praying for us. If you aren't a praying person, let us know that you hope we conceive soon. Notes of encouragement are ALWAYS welcomed, just please be sensitive to what you say and the words you use to say it.

Thanks for being a supportive blog community. Thanks to those that post their struggles in their blogs. It makes me feel like I'm not alone.