What Makes A Mother?

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, it has me thinking about what TRULY makes a mother.

Is a mother someone who merely gives birth? Are you a mom once you conceive? Are you a mom as soon as you adopt? Are you a mother only when the child is legally yours?

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Merriam-Webster defines "mother" as the following:
Mother (noun)
1. a female parent
3. maternal tenderness of affection

Mother (adjective)
1b. bearing the relation of a mother

Mother (transitive verb)
2. to care for or protect like a mother

By all of the above definitions, am I a mother? Yes and no. Since I can remember, I've always mothered children...or even my siblings and cousins. (Sorry guys!) My nicknames when I was little were "the boss" and "little mother." (Among others!) I'm the oldest of all the grandchildren on both sides. Mothering comes naturally to me. I've nannied for a few families now, always treating the children just like I'd treat my own. I've loved them and cared for them just like I would my own children. I've accidentally been called mom by a couple of them, though I didn't tell their mom's for fear of hurting their feelings! However, I am not a parent. Can I be a mother without being a parent?

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Obviously, if you've read my blog for any amount of time or if you know me in person, you know I do not have children. I've yet to be able to conceive. We're applying to foster to adopt, though, which means we will be foster parents and adopt children that become "legally free" for adoption while in our care. We are also eligible to adopt children that become available for adoption without going into foster care, though that process is a little different. Do I become a parent once our application for foster care is approved? Do I qualify as a mother once a child is "placed" with us? Do I have to wait until I legally adopt a child to be considered a mother? Where's the line drawn? When do I get to be a mother???

My answer? NOW.

I am a mother now. At this very moment. As I type these words. I. Am. A. Mother. Period. End of story.

Again, how can I be a mother without having any kids? I pondered on that a good while, actually. I've come to the conclusion that just because I don't have my baby YET, doesn't mean I am not already a mother. God has a plan for me. God has gone ahead of me and prepared a baby, MY baby, for me. Because of that, I am already a mother, even though my baby isn't in my arms, yet.

I like what Wendy, from Disney's Peter Pan, says about what makes a mother.


Well a mother, a real mother, is the most wonderful person in the world;
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

The helping hand that guides you along
Whether you're right, whether you're wrong

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
Another word for divine,
Your mother and mine.

Birth mother. Adoptive mother. Foster mother. Pregnant mother. Step mother. Mother of a baby born sleeping. Future mother. All are mothers, regardless of the way they achieved their motherly status.

I don't expect anyone to recognize me this Sunday on Mother's Day. I won't receive any Mother's Day cards or presents. I won't be given any handprints, homemade cards, or flowers.  By society's definition, I am not a mother. I am just a woman who hasn't been able to conceive, who hasn't adopted, and has no legal rights to any child in the whole wide world.

However, I know in my heart that I AM a mother. I know God has predestined me to be a mother. He instilled DEEP within my spirit and my heart the desire to be a mother. He has given me the passion to mother. God CREATED me a mother, so pardon me while I give society a big ole "screw you" and continue singing the above song...KNOWING it's about me.