Top Ten Tuesday

It's that time again! Time to link up with Shabby Blogs and post my top ten of the week. This week's theme is music!

These are NOT in ranked order!

So here....we....go!

1. Lifehouse (Hanging By A Moment, Everything, Broken, You and Me, etc.)



2. Journey (Don't Stop Believing, Faithfully, etc.)



3. Mark Schultz (Walking Her Home, Letters From War, Remember Me, etc.)



4. Need To Breathe (Lay 'Em Down, Signature of Divine, Something Beautiful, etc.)



5. Shaun Groves (Welcome Home, Bless the Lord, After the Music Fades, etc.)



6.  Gungor (The Earth is Yours, Beautiful Things, etc.)



7. Kelly Clarkson (Stronger, Behind These Hazel Eyes, A Moment Like This, etc.)



8. Hanson (MmmBop, This Time Around, Where's the Love, etc.)



9. United (Lead Me To the Cross, From the Inside Out, Hosanna, etc.)



10. Matt Maher (Hold Us Together, Lord I Need You, Christ is Risen, etc.)


What are your favorites?

Falling For Friday

What am I falling for lately?

Chalkboard motifs. I love chalkboard anything...online. I am not a fan of the feeling of real chalk, nor the mess that it makes, but I love chalkboard graphics, printables, labels, etc. That's why my blog layout is chalkboard themed! I'm loving it right now!

Here are a few FREE chalkboard themed printables I've found online!

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Care to see what others are falling for this Friday? Head on over to Just Dawnelle and see what people have posted about! You can even write your own FFF post and link it in the linky party! Have fun with it!

What are YOU falling for today?

Progress!

What's going on with the foster to adopt process you may be thinking? (If not, will you at least pretend you're interested??)

Well...we've made progress! Our social worker sent us our homestudy bio to proofread. Oh my word. It is LONG...and full of errors. Oi vey. Between typos, mixed up info, and inaccurate info, I found 30 corrections. That doesn't include grammar or flow issues.

My two favorite oopsies include one about my Great Grandma Sweetie who passed away last August and one involving Vance.

1. Our social worker wrote that my Great Grandma Sweetie's name is Betty "Sweetie" White. I laughed for a good couple of minutes at that one. My great grandma is Betty White?!?! That is fantastic!!!

Granted, I prefer that my great grandma be who she was, but I LOVE that our social worker put that her name was Betty White! Here's my response to her via email, "This one made me laugh really hard! (In a good way!) My great grandma's name was Juanita "Sweetie" Bumgardner. We always called her the Betty White of the family because of Rose Nyland from Golden Girls, who Betty White played."

I was like...20 here. Possibly 19. 

2. Our social worker also wrote that Vance, my husband, is proud that he smoked pot. My hubs texted me saying, "For the record, I am NOT proud of smoking pot in the past!" We both got a good kick out of that! "Give us other addicts' kids! I'm proud of my pot smoking days!" Yeah...that'd send mixed messages! I responded saying, "I think it might be better if it said, 'He stated that it is something that he is NOT proud of, but it is something that did happen.' ;-)"

I haven't heard back from our social worker, but last we heard, she was working on the other portion of our application and should be done this week! YAY!! When it's all typed up and looked over, it can be submitted...FINALLY!

Please say a prayer or two for us! The "end" of the foster care application process is almost done!

Wordless Wednesday--The New Wreath I Made

Top Ten Tuesday--Happiness Is...

This week's Shabby Blogs TTT's theme is "Happiness is..."

1. Happiness is my husband.

2. Happiness is my pug, Petey and Cinnamon, my doxie-beagle.

3. Happiness is knowing God has a plan for me even when it seems like there's no hope.

4. Happiness is having clean water to drink, food in my pantry, and clothes on my back.

5. Happiness is Spotify. (Seriously. Check it out!)

6. Happiness is being content no matter my circumstances.

7. Happiness is baby thigh rolls, bellies, double chins, and elbow dimples.

8. Happiness is arts and crafts. (Check out tomorrow to see the new wreath I made!)

9. Happiness is my family, near and far.

10. Happiness is grace found only through my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ!

What Makes A Mother?

With Mother's Day quickly approaching, it has me thinking about what TRULY makes a mother.

Is a mother someone who merely gives birth? Are you a mom once you conceive? Are you a mom as soon as you adopt? Are you a mother only when the child is legally yours?

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Merriam-Webster defines "mother" as the following:
Mother (noun)
1. a female parent
3. maternal tenderness of affection

Mother (adjective)
1b. bearing the relation of a mother

Mother (transitive verb)
2. to care for or protect like a mother

By all of the above definitions, am I a mother? Yes and no. Since I can remember, I've always mothered children...or even my siblings and cousins. (Sorry guys!) My nicknames when I was little were "the boss" and "little mother." (Among others!) I'm the oldest of all the grandchildren on both sides. Mothering comes naturally to me. I've nannied for a few families now, always treating the children just like I'd treat my own. I've loved them and cared for them just like I would my own children. I've accidentally been called mom by a couple of them, though I didn't tell their mom's for fear of hurting their feelings! However, I am not a parent. Can I be a mother without being a parent?

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Obviously, if you've read my blog for any amount of time or if you know me in person, you know I do not have children. I've yet to be able to conceive. We're applying to foster to adopt, though, which means we will be foster parents and adopt children that become "legally free" for adoption while in our care. We are also eligible to adopt children that become available for adoption without going into foster care, though that process is a little different. Do I become a parent once our application for foster care is approved? Do I qualify as a mother once a child is "placed" with us? Do I have to wait until I legally adopt a child to be considered a mother? Where's the line drawn? When do I get to be a mother???

My answer? NOW.

I am a mother now. At this very moment. As I type these words. I. Am. A. Mother. Period. End of story.

Again, how can I be a mother without having any kids? I pondered on that a good while, actually. I've come to the conclusion that just because I don't have my baby YET, doesn't mean I am not already a mother. God has a plan for me. God has gone ahead of me and prepared a baby, MY baby, for me. Because of that, I am already a mother, even though my baby isn't in my arms, yet.

I like what Wendy, from Disney's Peter Pan, says about what makes a mother.


Well a mother, a real mother, is the most wonderful person in the world;
She's the angel voice that bids you goodnight
Kisses your cheek, whispers, "Sleep tight."

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

The helping hand that guides you along
Whether you're right, whether you're wrong

Your mother and mine
Your mother and mine

What makes mothers all that they are?
Might as well ask, "What makes a star?"
Ask your heart to tell you her worth
Your heart will say ,"Heaven on earth."
Another word for divine,
Your mother and mine.

Birth mother. Adoptive mother. Foster mother. Pregnant mother. Step mother. Mother of a baby born sleeping. Future mother. All are mothers, regardless of the way they achieved their motherly status.

I don't expect anyone to recognize me this Sunday on Mother's Day. I won't receive any Mother's Day cards or presents. I won't be given any handprints, homemade cards, or flowers.  By society's definition, I am not a mother. I am just a woman who hasn't been able to conceive, who hasn't adopted, and has no legal rights to any child in the whole wide world.

However, I know in my heart that I AM a mother. I know God has predestined me to be a mother. He instilled DEEP within my spirit and my heart the desire to be a mother. He has given me the passion to mother. God CREATED me a mother, so pardon me while I give society a big ole "screw you" and continue singing the above song...KNOWING it's about me.

Nursery Preview

This room isn't finished by any means, but here's a quick little preview of what it looks like thus far!

(This will have a picture of our kids one day!)

Twin Bed: Craigslist

Crib: Craigslist

Bookshelf: Ikea Expedit (this color is only available in stores while supplies last)

Boxes: Ikea Drona (this color is unavailable at this time)

Twin Duvet Cover: Ikea Vandring Rav

Twin Sheet Set: Target RE Easy Care Sheet Set in Faded Green

Fox Stuffed Animals: Ikea Vandring Rav

Crib Sheet: Ikea Len

Crib Comforter: Ikea Vandring Ruta

Lamp: Ikea (this design was purchased in '09)

Swing: Hand Me Down (Fisher-Price Starlight Papasan Cradle Swing)

Elephant Rocker: Craigslist (KidKraft Enchanting Elephant Plush Musical Rocker--unavailable at this time)

Picture Frame: Christmas Gift

Madison Lilly

Madison Lilly is an up and coming artist with a soul-filled voice! She's also my 14 year old sister-in-law! I made the video below using my husband's photography, Madison's recording, and iMovie. Please give it a listen and a like, and don't forget to subscribe to her YouTube channel! We'd greatly appreciate it if you could spread the word! More videos are coming VERY soon, so stay tuned!


*Just an FYI, Madison owns the rights to "A Moment Like This." Vance Bailey Photography, my husband's photography business, owns the rights to the pictures. The chalkboard slides are free for personal use. 

Falling For Friday

I recently stumbled across a funky new (to me) blog called Just Dawnelle. She's a hip momma of two young ones who posts about interior design, all things beautiful, and of course, her babies. Her blog is eclectic and super fun and inspiring. :-)

One such inspiring series she does is Falling For Friday. I read two of her FFF posts and I was hooked! What a fun idea! You get to post about and share your current obsession...whatever it may be. Who doesn't like to gush about the things they enjoy the most? I know this girl does! It's a nice distraction from the every day rollar coaster feelings and hardships!

So without further ado, this is what I'm currently falling for...

Quilts. Yes, quilts.

For a good while now, I have been obsessed with making a quilt. I've even gone as far as purchasing fabric to make a quilt for the crib. Have I even begun to cut the fabric pieces? Ahem...that's beside the point! ;-)

Here are some of my favorites that I've seen and pinned to my quilting board on Pinterest.

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Want to join in or see what other people are falling for this Friday?

60 Days

Last year between March and the beginning of August, I lost around 40 lbs. I looked better. I felt good. I was on the right track. Then Depression hit me like a ton of bricks. My great grandma died, we started MAPP classes, I had to face my infertility as a loss head on, the weather grew colder, etc. I had a hard time staying out of my funk long enough to care about nutrition, health, and fitness. I was just trying to get up in the morning and function among the living on a daily basis. No one truly knew how bad it was for me on the inside. Regardless the reason, I gained back all but about 15 pounds of the lost weight. I didn't notice until about December/January. That's when I knew it was time to get back into it.

I began broaching the idea to the hubs. I talked about eating better/less, exercising more, logging my food and exercise with My Fitness Pal, etc. I talked and talked and talked about it for several weeks. I WANTED to do it, but getting past myself to actually start was far more difficult. I began to wonder if I was ever going to stop talking about it and actually DO it. That's when Heather, a lady in my Sunday school class, approached some of us on Facebook about starting a FAN (fitness and nutrition) group. We'd commit to 90 days of logging/tracking food, drinking enough water, exercising, etc. We could choose our own plan, but the goal was to stick to it for 90 days. This gave me the extra push to get started. The hubs and I committed and even started about a week or so before the FAN 90 group started.

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Last Saturday was the group's 60th day. A lot of the group members have slacked off. I'm not trying to be mean, but when a group of 32 only sees about 6 or 7 of the same people posting regularly, then it's safe to assume the rest of the group has slacked off for some reason or other. However, the hubs and I have stuck with it. It hasn't been a smooth and perfect road, but we've tracked out food, exercised often, and worked really hard towards our fitness goals. I'm back to 26 lbs lost. I've lost +/--10 inches overall. The hubs has lost several as well. We've begun to not only do cardio, but weight lifting as well, so our bodies are toning/firming up.

Here's what our progress looks like thus far...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

I'd like to preface this post by saying
1. Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes popped into my head, but I didn't recognize it, so I had to Google it.
2. I am not a David Bowie fan, but apparently I've heard this song in my upbringing. Thanks Mom and Dad. I'm guessing you guys are the ones who exposed me...even though I didn't realize it.
3. This post isn't about this stupid song.

Now that that's out of the way...onto the real deal.
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The hubs and I have known each other for almost four years and have been married almost three years. This thought astounds me, because I feel like I just met him yesterday. (In a good way!) Three years sounds like an awfully long time to me, but to think that three years has passed seems impossible. I didn't walk down the aisle and become a Bailey three years ago! That's crazy! I only just said, "I do" yesterday...right? How in the world did three years pass without me knowing it? Odd.

However, when I really start to think about it, three years must have passed. All of those moments when an hour felt like a lifetime and a month felt like an eternity. Those moments where I wondered if I would get my period or if I would get a positive sign on one of the countless pregnancy tests I took. Those agonizing minutes to see the test results felt like three years instead of three minutes. Then to see the negative yet again, making time stand still, just briefly, while greif consumed my heart, body, and spirit. All of those weeks and months of Depression while trying to process what was going on with our bodies. Being judged by doctors who didn't want to help us, because I'm not insured. Being told that if we lost weight, things would be easier. Being told that "Maybe God isn't ready for you to be parents, yet." Being told by an aunt, in front of a lot of family members, that she shouldn't have to help pay for my pregnancy with her tax dollars if by some miracle, I finally were to get pregnant. Having my sister go toe to toe with said aunt while I bawled in my grandma's guest room and called my mom who fumed with anger about the whole situation. Then having an extended family cousin show me love and compassion when I needed it the most. All of this, of course, on one of the hardest days for me (at that time)...my cousin's baby shower day. All of those moments, when added up, feel much longer than three years. They feel like thirty years. They've aged me emotionally. All of those moments that, at the time, felt like they'd never end, changed me.

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Did they change me for the better or did they change me for the worse? I dare say, I don't know. I just know I'm different now than I was before all of this. I sometimes long for the times when I dreamed of being pregnant. I don't dream that dream much anymore. I've accepted the fact that I may never conceive/carry a child. Most days, I'm ok with it, as long as I get my babies through adoption. But some days, when I recall the joy I had over the idea of feeling a baby, MY baby, move inside of me...man...I long for the ability to dream that dream again. I wish my heart wasn't so calloused to the idea of it all. I wish I was that naive, at times. I just wish I could keep dreaming the dream that my heart so desires.

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But I can't. I just can't. I can't, and I won't allow myself to be that naive anymore. It hurts too much when that dream doesn't reach culmination. It doesn't make sense to allow myself the luxury of the dream of being pregnant, because let's face it, it may never happen. Obviously, there's still a possibility that it may happen for us one day, but I can't and don't allow myself to think like that anymore, because right now, it's just not going to happen.

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So...again with the changes. Am I better off for having my "battle scars" or am I worse for the wear? In some ways, I know I am stronger. I've been to Hell and back, emotionally, and I'm still here. I KNOW that my God is going before me to prepare a future for me that will knock my socks off. God has me (us) in the palm of his hand, and I know he has great plans for us. On the other hand, I have buried a portion of my heart. I've buried one of my greatest desires, because it is too painful to let it live freely in the daylight. It's something I only allow myself to ponder in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep, because only then, in a half sleep, half dream state, is it safe to dream real dreams.

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The battle scars, fear, and hurt does not define who I am or what I am about. I won't let it. I REFUSE it. It isn't something that is allowed to determine WHO or WHOSE I am. I will not be bitter because of the hand I'm currently playing with!

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I CHOOSE joy. I CHOOSE patience. I CHOOSE love. I CHOOSE to take these past three years and change for the better. I CHOOSE to let God protect my heart, but also keep me vulnerable. I CHOOSE to keep on keeping on and to face adversity hand in hand with my husband, surrounded and protected by our God. Why? Because he's got this, and I trust him to come through for me.

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