How Do You Know?

I've had babies/toddlers/preschoolers on the brain lately! Wait...what else is new, right? Well, lately, instead of being like "OOOO I want to buy this for our future baby!" I'm like "OOO...I bet a foster child could benefit from this!" ...Wait a minute...What? Who am I these days? That doesn't sound like me. That doesn't sound like something I could've or would've THOUGHT, let alone said aloud to Vance, my foster-care-hearted husband, 6-12 months ago.

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So what has changed??

For starters, my heart. God has been working in/on my heart since the moment I met Vance. Of this, I have no doubt. On our first date, he told me about how his siblings were adopted! "Great!" I thought. "I love adoption! I have a passion for adoption! Wait? What's that? Adopted through foster care? Come again?" He explained how they had fostered lots and lots of children throughout their years of living in Ohio and in Greensboro. "Interesting, but scary..." I thought. I hadn't even heard the crazy stories of children trying to eat the family cat, having to be restrained and held down in order to go to sleep, being born addicted to crack, etc. yet. (They saved those stories until AFTER Vance and I were engaged/married! Those sneaky Bailey's...)

I honestly never thought foster care would be something I was interested in. Sure, I always thought the foster parents were strong people. I always admired them. I always felt badly for the children in the foster care system. I always felt badly for the bio parents who had to work so hard (but sometimes not hard enough) to get their kids back because of mistakes they've made. I've always felt so badly for the social workers who worked WAY TOO HARD for their menial paychecks. BUT, I never felt like I would EVER...IN A MILLION, BILLION YEARS...want to become a foster parent.

Well...apparently...I was wrong. (For like the first time ever...ok...maybe second time!)

Vance mentioned to me, about a year ago, that we should look into doing foster care. I humored him, but internally, I thought, "Yeah right! I am not cut out for this! I am too young. Too unqualified. Too impatient with political garbage. Not skilled in dealing with "unbalanced" children. Not enough." (Not enough? Satan has been telling me that my ENTIRE life!!! I should have recognized those feelings of inadequacy right out off the bat, but I did not.) So, I told him I didn't feel like it was the right time for us (read: me) and that I'd consider it again in the future.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago! Vance broached the idea of foster care again...but in passing. It flipped a switch in my brain, so I looked into it and went into research mode. (Have I ever mentioned I research the crap out of things when I want to know more about it??) I found out there is a class coming up in September that is required in order to become a foster parent. 30 hours is required, plus 10 every year after that, for licensing. You also have to pass a home study, which includes a safe living environment, fire inspection, etc. You have to be able to support yourself and your family BEFORE being qualified for foster care. You can't have petitioned for emergency help with living expenses in at least a year. Etc. Etc. Etc. The foster care system is pretty intense in qualifications of becoming a foster parent. However, we meet all of the check marks we need to qualify.

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"Hmm..." I reflected. "Maybe it's time...Wait what??? It's time? To foster? But I've never felt like foster care was for me! What in the world is going on inside my head?" I struggled with these thoughts for a day or two, not mentioning them to Vance until I resolved some things in my head/heart and with God. (I kind of understand what it was like for Jacob to wrestle with God now...even though mine wasn't a physical encounter...and he didn't karate chop my hip!)

I feel like it is time. It's time to start this process. Vance and I have discussed it thoroughly. He's ready for kids to be in our house, whether or not we get to keep them. We definitely want to adopt through foster care. We'd prefer to only take in kids that are likely to become adoptable, but (and I'm not fully convinced of this yet) Vance said he's ok with taking in kids if it's short term, too. (My reply to this being...honey...it's foster care. You know that they may say two weeks and it turns into 8 months!) I feel not only like foster care is something we should pursue, but it's something we should pursue NOW. I feel a sense of urgency about this. Last night, I spoke to Vance about the urgency that's been placed on my heart. I told him that I'm not sure if the urgency is because our baby is coming home to us soon or because there's a child in foster care that's going to need us, but I feel like we should definitely be taking the next round of classes and get this ball rolling ASAP.

Wow! Who'd have thunk that I'd be so passionate about foster care? There is a LOT of uncertainty and a LOT of apprehension in my heart due to my own semi-fear of the unknown, BUT I do know that this is something we're supposed to do, so I have a sense of peace about it, too! Not I! We'd appreciate any happy/warm thoughts and/or prayers you guys can offer for us! 

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Be Still My Heart

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My heart and my mind are OVERFLOWING! I have soooo many things I need to share, but I haven't wanted to blog. I am SO stinkin' busy, it's ridiculous! Buuut, since Max is playing trains (and the little goober does NOT want me to play with him!!) I thought I'd take a few minutes to update all of my faithful (???) readers out there on what's going on in the Bailey household!

1. We moved! It went well! Out apartment is a disaster as we try to condense two years worth of HOUSE build-up into a 2/2 apartment. We definitely need an Ikea trip in the near future to take care of a couple of issues furniture wise (like a new entertainment center since what we've been using is way too big for the area in which it needs to fit!) We've used the pool at least 7 times in the last two weeks. Definitely loving that we moved in right when it got warm! When the mess is put away, I will definitely post pictures!

2. We celebrated two SPECTACULAR years of marriage! I have no pictures of the event, as we didn't make a huge tado about it! We plan on celebrating somehow later, but we don't have the extra money/time to do it right now. We both worked that day (June 19th), came home, exchanged sweet cards, had awesome homemade Asian food, went to our apartment complex's gym, swam, watched a movie, etc. It was a sweet night! I adore my husband with every ounce of my being. To me, there is no greater guy in all of eternity (excluding Jesus, of course!)

3. I gained/lost weight. Yeah. During those couple of weeks of packing/moving, we didn't cook a lot at home due to our stuff being packed/not wanting to buy a ton of food before we moved. Soo...I gained a few pounds. BUT...I've also lost a couple of them already this week. I was super frustrated and discouraged, but my My Fitness Pal buddies have been seeing me through! Set backs happen, but I'm not allowing myself to fall this hard next time!

4. Still no baby. Sigh. Two years of marriage signifies two years of not being pregnant. It's difficult, but not super difficult for me. I was reminded today of God's perfect (although sometimes ironic) planning. He orchestrates things to work out for the best. For that, I am extremely grateful! I had to cancel my doctor's appointment this week because I needed to watch Max. We're going to try to reschedule sometime next month, though. With all that being said, it leads me to my next point...

5. We've decided to further explore/start the process of....foster care! Yep. We may be foster parents soon! It's hard to believe that I, the woman who swore she'd never do foster care because "it's scary," is so stinkin' excited about it! We're (ideally) hoping to adopt through foster care. We have pretty strict criteria for the type of children we're willing to take into our home, though, so it could be a long road. We basically don't want to foster kids over 3 years old. I don't feel like I'm old enough to take in a 10 year old, let alone a teenager. Speaking with people who have experience in the foster care system (have I ever mentioned that all of Vance's 6 siblings were adopted through foster care?) and people who have adopted through foster care, we NEED to make our specifications and stick with them as they WILL call about kids outside of your criteria. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. Before we can even have children enter our home, we have to go through the process, which includes a home assessment, financial statements, background checks, references, medical exams, a 30 hour training course, etc. The next course is in September, so that will be the one we attend, if all goes well. We also plan on attending an into to foster care class before then, just to make sure we're going to do this. I feel super strongly about this, though. I feel like God is telling me to do it. I feel a sense of urgency about it, too. I don't know. It's weird, but I'm trying to be obedient. Please pray with us about this! It's a HUGE deal!

I think that's about it, for now. Please pray with/for us about our future, weight loss journey, our new home, our marriage, etc. We can't do anything a part from God!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures!! Here...have a picture of my cute babies enjoying their bed in our new bedroom!

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The Book of James

I've decided to start doing something that I feel like I need to do. I'm going to start writing my Bible reading reflections on here. In the evenings, before we go to sleep, Vance and I read a chapter of the Bible together. It isn't formal. It isn't always "deep." Sometimes it's so straight forward, we don't even share any thoughts or verbal reflections. We take turns reading. When warranted, we ask questions or offer reflections on certain verses/passages. We read the foot notes since we're using my NIV Study Bible if we need elaboration or explanation. I thoroughly enjoy our Bible reading time together. :-)

This week, we read through the book of James. We read the forward (it's a study Bible) one night and a chapter a night after that. There were a few verses/sections that really hit home for me.

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(Please note, all copied/pasted verses are from www.biblegateway.com and are the ESV, English Standard Version, translation.)

1. James 1:2-4, 12 & 17-18
²  Count it all joy, my brothers,^[b] when you meet trials of various kinds, ³ for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴ And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.¹²  Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. ¹⁷  Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.^[d] 18  Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.

This one hit home for me. We're coming up on two years of marriage, which means two years of trying to have a baby...with no success, whatsoever. That may not seem like a trial for some, but for me, it certainly is. I feel like it IS a testing of my faith. There have been times where I was proven to be weak of faith during this test. These days, I have a strong faith that God knows what he's doing...even if it isn't when I'd like!! It IS producing steadfastness/perseverance in me. I don't feel as if I'm perfect and complete, because I do feel like I'm lacking in something. However, the other day, I was thinking that maybe if now's not the time for our baby(ies) to be here, that I am content being Vance's wife. I've throughly enjoyed our two years as husband and wife. I can't wait for another 70! (Yes....we are living that long. Deal with it!)

2. James 4:13-17
¹³ Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— ¹⁴ yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.¹⁵ Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” ¹⁶ As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. ¹⁷  So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.

This passage, again, hit home for me. How often do I sit and make plans? How often do I get bent out of shape when those plans don't go the way I want them to or think they should? All too often, to be quite honest! Don't get me wrong, planning is a good thing. Planning is wise. Planning is oftentimes much better than flying by the seat of your pants. HOWEVER, this passage is pointing out that making life plans without talking to God about it. What good are my plans for my life if God is not involved? Life is SO short, a mist or a vapor that disappears shortly after it appears. What good are my plans in such a short time if they are without God? God's will and plans are by far greater than anything I could possibly come up with. For instance, when Vance and I had our first date, I wasn't the least bit interested in him as a boyfriend, only a potential friend. We weren't even on a date...at first. It was just a time to hang out. But after the first...oh...5 minutes, I was INFATUATED with him...and apparently he with I. It's amazing what God will do when you're making plans for your life!

3. James 5: 13-16
¹³ Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise.¹⁴ Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. ¹⁵ And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. ¹⁶ Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

As I was reading this last night, I felt a sense of comfort. How often have I prayed about my baby? How often have I screamed at God from the depths of my heart about my suffering? On the other hand, how often have I ignored God completely? How often have I turned away from him in my distraught moments? All too often. Probably more often than not. I am not righteous in those moments. I am not having the faith I should. However, when I do pray in my time of suffering, this verse assures me that God is listening. That God is working an amazing thing in my heart, family, and body. It is SO easy to sing praise when in a cheerful disposition. I am striving to make it just as easy to pray in my dark and sad moments.

Do you have any reflections you'd like to add? It can be from any part of the book of James, whether or not I reflected on it. Care to write a reflection next week?

Vance and I are starting 1 Peter (we are basically going through the General Epistles, James-Jude, right now.) We are reading the forward tonight, then we'll read chapter 1 Saturday, chapter 2 Sunday, chapter 3 Monday, chapter 4 Tuesday, chapter 5 Wednesday, and the forward to II Peter on Thursday. I'll then write a reflection from those chapters on Friday. Then...we'll continue on. If you'd like to join us, I'd love that! If you have a blog and want to write a reflection, make sure you tell me so I can check it out!

Have a great weekend!

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Be Kind. Always.

Growing up, my mom always told my sisters and I to "kill" rude/un-agreeable/moody people with kindness. She also told us to be kind to everyone, whether we know them or not. Include everyone. Embrace the new people. Cherish the old friends. ETC. (My mom is pretty wise.) So...even into my adult life, I try to keep those virtues close to my heart. I extend kindness to strangers...even rude ones. I welcome visitors whether it be at a social gathering, at church, or at Grandma's house! I try to meet people where they are, on a level they're comfortable, and do my best at making them feel comfortable. I don't always succeed. Sometimes I fail miserably. Sometimes I'm so preoccupied with what's going on in my life/mind that I fail to notice others. Sometimes I'm so self-centered that I avoid other people because I just don't WANT to reach out. It's those moments that I'm ashamed of. It's those moments I'm grateful I'm covered by the grace of Jesus. It's those moments that remind me of why my mom taught my sisters and I all that she did.

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I recently had someone say to me, "I can only handle so much of you. I've had my fill." Quite honestly, this statement didn't hurt me. It caught me off guard. Don't get me wrong, I know I can be a handful! I am perky, bubbly, optimistic, focused, driven, a combo of Type A and C personalities, outspoken, honest, etc. I don't kid myself into thinking EVERYONE wants to be my friend. I don't lie to myself and say I'm the easiest person to get close to. Trust me. I know. I'm an over the top, not afraid to speak truth even if it isn't pretty, kinda gal. (That whole 100% honest, confront you if I have to, don't try to walk all over me side of me is 100% my daddy, by the way.) HOWEVER, when I heard that, so bluntly put, (she later told me she wasn't being rude...just honest) I thought for a second about what I could have possibly done to make her think that. (Type C coming out...self-reflecting and all that...)

You know what my verdict was? Not a darn thing. I've been nothing but nice to her since she and her husband first started coming to our church. I've always reached out. Always offered help. I tried to be nice to her always, even when it wasn't easy.

Some people don't understand where you're coming from. Some people misinterpret. She told me she thinks I'm trying to be a know-it-all. Misinterpretation right there! I don't TRY to be a know-it-all. I actually know this is one of my flaws. I inherited it from my father. I come across as a know-it-all because as unhumble as this sounds...I'm smart. I know things. I desire to know things. I like learning, so if I don't know the answer to something, I research the crap out of it. If I think of something or come across something I don't know much about, I look it up. I am constantly trying to expand my wealth of knowledge. I want to know more. I inquire about things, which sometimes comes across as me being a know-it-all. I ask why such and such is better than this or that. Being a Type C personality, I am very detail-oriented. I totally get why I can come across as a know-it-all. I TOTALLY do. I have, however, worked for a LONG time on bettering myself, admitting when I'm wrong, and asking questions when I don't know. I explained all of this to her, so I think she understands me just a wee bit better now. She apologized, which was nice.

The moral of the story? Talk to people. Express your feelings in a humble, unaccusing, unassuming, non-jack wagon sort of way, and the world will be a better place!

Proverbs 15 (The Message)

God Doesn't Miss a Thing

 ¹ A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire. 

 ² Knowledge flows like spring water from the wise; 
   fools are leaky faucets, dripping nonsense. 

 ³ God doesn't miss a thing— 
   he's alert to good and evil alike. 

 ⁴ Kind words heal and help; 
   cutting words wound and maim. 

 ⁵ Moral dropouts won't listen to their elders; 
   welcoming correction is a mark of good sense. 

 ⁶ The lives of God-loyal people flourish; 
   a misspent life is soon bankrupt. 

 ⁷ Perceptive words spread knowledge; 
   fools are hollow—there's nothing to them. 

 ⁸ God can't stand pious poses, 
   but he delights in genuine prayers. 

 ⁹ A life frittered away disgusts God; 
   he loves those who run straight for the finish line. 

 ¹⁰ It's a school of hard knocks for those who leave God's path, 
   a dead-end street for those who hate God's rules. 

 ¹¹ Even hell holds no secrets from God— 
   do you think he can't read human hearts?

Life Ascends to the Heights

 ¹² Know-it-alls don't like being told what to do; 
   they avoid the company of wise men and women. 

 ¹³ A cheerful heart brings a smile to your face; 
   a sad heart makes it hard to get through the day. 

 ¹⁴ An intelligent person is always eager to take in more truth; 
   fools feed on fast-food fads and fancies. 

 ¹⁵ A miserable heart means a miserable life; 
   a cheerful heart fills the day with song. 

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